Tim Poeton, Captain, Manager, Chairman and general do-it-all
of the Timbo's Tonkers HCDITC has kindly written a story
behind this annual fixture which was first held in 1988. It
has become a marvellous cricketing and social occasion with
David and Sally Banwell kindly hosting the Tonkers and
providing a superb barbecue and dance following the match.
Tim's account of the story so far follows and I am very grateful to him for setting it out in such clear, unambiguous and polite phraseology.
VENI, VIDI, TICI
("I CAME, I SAW, I TONQUERED")
Dear Woodpeckers - The Story So Far,
"Bollocks - I'll do it" I said, and with these immortal words drunkenly hollered across the bar at Cheshunt Hockey Club Timbo's Tonkers were born.
The inaugural match was a hockey match against Cheshunt Hockey Club in Hertfordshire, the Chairman of which was too lazy to raise a team to provide opposition for the end of season fixture. Unable to call it a Chairman's XI (because it wasn't) an unknown wag suggested the team be christened Timbo's Tonkers - which was probably the politest of many suggestions and this was duly adopted.
I recruited the players from far and wide, many having been met on tours and at festivals and were people who were (and still are) of a like mind. The main criteria for a Timbo's Tonker must be that at 4.00 a.m., whilst being totally plastered, one must still know where to puke (in the plants not on the carpet). In short, to qualify one must must know how to enjoy oneself but not be boorish unto others. The threshold for this is generally considered to be 10 pints of Purple Nasty (Oh where did you come from?). Add to this a fair standard of hockey or cricket (preferably both) and that is the membership qualification for Timbo's Tonkers.
Three rules have subsequently been introduced:
For the uneducated I should explain Purple Nasty - 1 half pint of medium cider, a dash of blackcurrant and one half pint of lager and into this afficionadoes would depth charge a schooner of Pernod. However Timbo's Tonkers have been known to add many and varied supplements. Probably the greatest Purple Nasty ever made was at a hockey tournament in Berkhamsted in 1989. Having successfully drunk our way out of the semi-final we repaired to the Clubhouse to celebrate whereupon I invested someone's £5 fine in the raffle.
We won:
When mixed into the watering can of Purple Nasty the result was surprisingly pleasant, albeit a little curdled, and made for some interesting driving home.
Such was the success of our first fixture that we decided to play a few more which only served as an excuse to re-convene to imbibe excessively in more of the Purple Nasty, which was by now firmly adopted as the team drink.
During the winter I received a call from a rarely sober David Banwell with whom I had sunk many a pint during the latter part of my education in Cheltenham, to say that the Woodpeckers were short of a fixture and did I know anyone who may provide opposition. Yet again the immoratal words "Bollocks - I'll do it" were hollered, only this time down the 'phone, and Timbo's Tonkers as a cricket team was born.
I had for some years been captaining a wandering cricket team named after a pub in Sussex called the Blackhorse XI, the only qualification for which was that any player must have sunk a pint in that hostelry. As the Blackhorse XI played most of its cricket in Hertfordshire finding qualified players was an increasing problem and the side was gradually infiltrated by Tonkers whose qualifications were far more stringent anyway, and the name was changed to Timbo's Tonkers for the season 1988.
Our first match was against Knebworth Blues XI in Hertfordshire. The team was almost entirely made up of full time hockey players who were happy to have only a part-time commitment to cricket during the summer months and this continues to this day. In fact, many people only play for the Tonkers which amounts to the Woodpeckers weekend and two other matches.
Timbo's Tonkers Hockey Cricket Drinking International Touring Club has no subscription and funds are raised on a daily fines basis. The Chairman, after consultation with various sneaks, will raise monies by fining players for various transgressions. Some of the more amusing fines could be:
Fines are levied according to the amounts needed to be raised but tempered by the Chairman's judgement of how much an individual can afford - ie those who have invariably transgressed more than those who have not but it nearly always works out even over the season. The rest they say is history. Tonkers will continue to gather and enjoy themselves at available opportunities and we hope we bring as much amusement as we do competitive opposition to our hosts.
The Woodpeckers weekend is very much the corner-stone of Timbo's Tonkers cricketing existence and it is as much appreciated for the way Woodpeckers sportingly play the game against us as it is for the Banwells' wonderful hospitality.
I know I speak for all of Timbo's Tonkers when I congratulate Woodpeckers on their 40th anniversary and wish you all the very best for the next 40 years.
We look/forward to seeing you in your 41st year.
Yours with a Purple
Chairman
T.T.H.C.D.I.T.C
